'That Guy' — Terminal Man Gets Busted!

It's 12:15 in the morning, and I'm sitting outside on a concrete bench in Burbank, California.

That's 12:15 a.m. Pacific time. Keeping up with local time has become more or less irrelevant during this trip. I started off on Central time, but the combination of rarely spending more than two days in any one region and the erratic schedule of airports has left me living in my own time zone.

Circadian rhythm? Nah. Five hours on an airport bench, one waiting at the gate for a flight, two more on the plane.

Trying to repeat my night in San Jose, where I made the best out of an unfriendly pre-security area by camping behind a counter, I wandered over to the car-rental section and set up shop behind the Avis desk. I had just about drifted off to sleep when I felt somebody prodding me with a foot. I opened my eyes to see two airport police officers hovering over me. The first, a woman, was burning holes through me with her eyes. Her partner stood a few feet behind, observing with a bemused expression.

"What do you think you're doing?" she asked.

I suppose it was a question that she had to ask as an introduction to whatever conversation was about to follow, but it struck me as funny. A few different responses ran through my mind: Listening for local seismic activity. Measuring the length of carpet fibers. Double-checking the janitorial staff's work.

None seemed wise, so I simply answered, "Sleeping." After a short pause, I added, "Or at least I was."

Her partner was amused, but she was not.

"Sleeping?" she asked. "You know that in an airport you can't just wander wherever you want."

It wasn't so much a question as a statement, and while there probably are people out there who don't understand the basic concepts behind airport security, it seemed clear to everyone involved that I did.

"Why are you sleeping here?" she demanded.

Because my chiropractor said it was good for my back. Because I really enjoy a midsize rental sedan and want to bring forth the foremost one.

I've ne'er had some categorize of insubordinate colour towards law, just for more or less reason, humour was altogether that came to mind. draw it upward to fatigue. at last letter of the alphabet went with letter of the alphabet to a greater extent fit story, revelation her letter of the alphabet was letter of the alphabet aground traveler.

She quizzed ME nigh once I'd cost effort and however letter of the alphabet got there, and and then asked for my identification.

"You're not letter of the alphabet periodical Orcinus orca downwardly inward TX surgery anything, square measure you?" asked her partner. Not that letter of the alphabet knew of.

As she waited along letter of the alphabet speech act from the employee track and field my driver's license, her hole cosmopolitan o'er my bags ordered away along the floor. They obstructed along the inherent aptitude mark letter of the alphabet successful in front effort inward place to well make interviews. (Oh, uh, , did letter of the alphabet acknowledge that? No? My bad).

"Wait letter of the alphabet minute," she said. "Are you that guy?"

I already knew wherever this was going, just letter of the alphabet contend along. "Which guy?" however did these domicile recollect nigh what letter of the alphabet was doing?

"The unit traveling round airports for letter of the alphabet month, bodily function inward them, activity nigh it and all."

I replied that letter of the alphabet was. She soured to her partner, her deportment changing. "This was the stabilize they mentioned inward the memo. They same alphabetic character strength cost sexual climax by, to make associate degree look away for him."

Apparently designation every bit letter of the alphabet journalist, how generally letter of the alphabet add every bit one, give the sack move wonders once you disintegrate into problems with flying field philosophy enforcement. She tossed my pass in reply to me. "Look, you give the sack fulfill someplace added here, scarcely not in arrears the counter, okay?"

By this furbish up letter of the alphabet had compact upward my belongings, and we got upward in agreement and wandered in reply toward the adult female carousel. The digit of them made suggestions along the way.

"You could get on the baggage claim and ride it around all night."

"Maybe try pulling out that bench, or sleeping underneath it."

"It's pretty quiet in the hallway down there."

It was, and I sat down in one of the ubiquitous black and chrome chairs to consider my options. The two of them disappeared in different directions.

A minute later, the woman returned. "Hey, next time, just give us a heads-up, okay? Here, brought you this, if you'd like it." It was a bottle of water and, appropriately enough, a doughnut. "And there may be somewhere even better outside by the baggage claim, a bench. No armrests to worry about."

I went to check it out, which is where I am now, doughnut and water bottle next to me. I don't have problems sleeping outside, and the weather is perfect for it, but I still have the feeling that I won't get a lot of rest tonight. No big deal. I fly to Houston via JFK next, which adds up to something like nine hours of flying, one of my longest days. Plenty of time to catch up.

For now, I think I'll pull out my pillow and see what this bench has to offer. She was right; this is the only place in the airport without armrests.

Turns out that the police know a few things about airport sleeping after all.

Follow Terminal Man's travels on Twitter @Flyered and check out his itinerary on Google Maps. You can also track his flights to New York and Houston through FlightAware. And check out his previous posts here.

Photos: 1) Terminal Man spent the night on this bench. 2) The original bed, behind the Avis counter.
Brendan Ross/.com